Christmas Wishes and Status Messages - Page 11

And give all that I have to charity

Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous?
Holly-wood.

What does Santa Claus use when he goes skiing?
A North Pole.

Where is the best place to put your Christmas tree?
After your Christmas one and your Christmas two.

I know, I know. I know that people say, "It''s the thought that
counts, not the gift... but couldn''t people think a little bigger?

What is red and white and goes up and down and up and down?
Santa Claus stuck in an elevator.

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, Strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
But do not show love to my family, I''m just another decorator.

What''s red and white and red and white and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

What would a Japanese tourist in Alaska wear?
An Eskimono.

Why did Frosty go to live in the middle of the ocean?
Because snow man is an island.

Billy: How come you never hear anything about the tenth reindeer, Olive?
Tilly: Olive?
Billy: Yeah, you know... Olive the other reindeer, used to
laugh and call him names...

What do you call a polar bear that steals icebergs from other polar bears?
An ice-burglar.

But do not show love to my family, It profits me nothing.

How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With a North Pole-aroid camera.

Who carries all of Santa''s books?
His books elf. (book shelf)

What does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick?
A chill pill.

Sometimes I get the feeling that if Christmas, Father''s Day
and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist!

Santa Claus is a jolly fellow! Imagine all that driving and still
being able to say, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
My friend, Rick, is a paramedic here in Miami. A few years ago he answered a call about a man who had a head injury he got when some teenagers were throwing eggs at cars. It seems that the egg had come through the open window of the man''s car as he was driving at about 45 mph. He had a large swelling on his forehead. In the official report, Rick described the incident as an "egg-noggin".

What do you call it when your Christmas tree explodes?
A tannen-bomb.

The wife is shopping for Christmas gifts,
With purchases little and large;
She doesn''t believe in Santa Claus...
But she believes in Master Charge!

If I slave away in the kitchen, Baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
Preparing gourmet meals And arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime,
But do not show love to my family, I''m just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, Carol in the nursing home

What kind of food do you get when you cross a blizzard with a polar bear?
A brrr-grrr! (burger)

What did the sheep say to the shepherd?
Seasons Bleetings!

What''s red and green and guides Santa''s sleigh?
Rudolph the red-nosed pickle.

What happens when Frosty the Snowman gets dandruff?
He gets snowflakes.

What do you call a cow in Alaska?
An Eski-moo.

Why is Santa a good race car driver?
Because he''s always in the pole position.

How do you know if there is a reindeer in your refrigerator?
The hoofprints in the butter!

Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?
So he can Ho-Ho-Ho.