Most Popular English Jokes Wishes and Status Messages

Teacher: Behind every successful man there is a women
what do we learn from this?
Student: we should stop wasting time in studies and find a woman.

Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product?
Bunty: MS Excel
Lucky: MS Word
Bittu: MS Powerpoint
Pappu after thinking a lot, “MS Dhoni”!

In a classroom Teacher asks a student to count from 0 to 10. Student : 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Teacher : Where is 5?
Student : Yesterday I heard in the news that 5 died in a car accident…..

KID :- Why some of ur hair are
white dad ?
DAD : - Every time a son make his dad
unhappy ,
one of his father's hair turns white .....
KID :- Now understand why
grandpa's hairs are all white.

U luv sumone… u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id…!

A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: 'Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?'
Teacher: 'Of course not.'
Student: 'Good, because I haven't done my homework.'

When a Guy does Something Wrong…
Girl : You broke my Favorite Lamp !!!
Boy : It was an Accident… I didn’t mean to..!!
Girl : I can’t believe you did this.
Boy : I’m Sorry.. !! :/ :/ :/
When a Girl does Something Wrong…
Boy : You Lost My Dog??!!!
Girl : It was an Accident… I didn’t mean to..!!
Boy : I can’t believe you did this.
Girl : I already feel bad about it..!! Stop making me feel Worse..!!
Boy : I’m Sorry.. !! :/ :/ :/

Kiss Is The Key Of Love,
Love Is The Lock Of Marriage,
Marriage Is The Box Of Children,
And too many Children means more Problem for the world
So Please Stop Kissing & Save the world for a while…

Boy: I can’t marry you. My family is not permitting me.


Girl: Who’s in your family?


Boy: My wife and children.

One million copies of a new book sold
In just two days due to typing error of one alphabet in title.
'An idea,that can change your WIFE'
While real word was(LIFE).

A: Why are you late?
B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it.

Only Two Types Of Communications Are Fastest In The World…
.
.
.
E-Mail To Email
&
Female To Female….

Two factory workers are talking
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Another Moon?… Possible Another Sun?… Possible Another Sky?… Possible Another person Like U?… Impossible ‘Coz God can’t make the same Mistake twice.

A motorist hit a sparrow. He took d unconscious bird, put in cage with bread & water. Bird wakes up, luks around & screams: Salakhen! My God! I’ve killed the motorist.

Class Room is Like a Train
1st Two Benches r Reserved For VIP . .
Nxt Two Benches r General coach
Then
Last Two Benches r Vry Demanded.
Bcz Its SLEEPER COACH :P :D

What is the height of Flirting? It’s When your love letter starts with: TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN

A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

A Chinese couple Mr. & Mrs. Hua got twins without marriage. What did they name them?!!!? JO-hua, SO-hua

Boys Always Remain Faitfull To Their Girlfriend..!!
But,
Which Girlfriend??
That's Still a Topic Of Research..!!

Two children are talking.

A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says

Me without you and your Love would be
Like Facebook without Friends,
YouTube Without Videos
And
Google with No Results..
Keep Loving Me )

A pizza and an apple were thrown down from the 15th floor.
Which will reach down first?
.
.
Ans:The Pizza,as it's fast food!

A guy says to his friend, 'Guess how many coins I have in my pocket.'

The friend says, 'If I guess right, will you give me one of them?'

The first guy says, 'If you guess right, I'll give you both of them.'

Dear reciever, I’m a Blonde Virus. I’m not so advanced, so pls delete all ur files urself and also help me to spread by sending to all. Thank U !

MOM ALWAYS SAID...
Money Doesn't Grow On Trees
Mom!!!! money is made from
paper & paper comes from trees.
Therefore your argument is
invalid..

A man was pulled over for driving too fast,
even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

A Woody Joke..
What wood happn if u had a wooden car,
with wooden seats
wooden tyres..
and a wooden engine?
It Wooden't start..!

Your Ex-GirlFriend Asking If u Can Still Be Friends After A Break-Up..
.
.It is Like..
.
A Kidnapper Telling U To Keep In Touch.!!

Millions of people write Love Letters.
But everyone send there 1st love letter mostly to me,
Just imagine how lucky I m!
Great words
Said by
.
** DUST BIN **