Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
If you haven''t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me
If I want your opinion, I''ll give it to you.
Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.
Right now I''m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I''ve forgotten this before.
I might be in the basement. I''ll go upstairs and check.
I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won''t spoil me.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.
I''ve got the ship, you''ve got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
Just because you''re smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
Mind intentionally left blank...
Sorry, I don''t date outside my species.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody''s perfect, why practice?
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
Nostalgia ain''t what it used to be.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I''d put U and I together.
Born Free........Taxed to Death.
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
If at first you don''t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I don''t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem
The best way to a man''s heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.
There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
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