Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Right now I''m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I''ve forgotten this before.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I''d put U and I together.
I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
If at first you don''t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I don''t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem
Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.
It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.
There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
If you haven''t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me
If I want your opinion, I''ll give it to you.
Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody''s perfect, why practice?
I might be in the basement. I''ll go upstairs and check.
Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won''t spoil me.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
I''ve got the ship, you''ve got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
Born Free........Taxed to Death.
Just because you''re smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
Mind intentionally left blank...
Sorry, I don''t date outside my species.
The best way to a man''s heart is to saw his breast plate open.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
Nostalgia ain''t what it used to be.
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