One Liners Wishes and Status Messages - Page 13

A mushroom walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don''t serve food here"
The mushroom says "Why not I''m a Fungi!"

Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the piss out the underpants.

Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!
Doctor: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!

Where does the one legged waitress work?
The Ihop

What is invisable and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Damn

Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all

Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.

What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?
He smashed his his nose.

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud

What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies !

A blonde walked into a bar
OUCHH!!!

Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.

What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.

Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."
George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."
Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . "

A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the knob and I''ll cum as fast as I can.

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

Did you hear about hte new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind.

What is a dogs favourite school subject?
"Dog-Ruff-E "

What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH !

A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don''t serve food here"

Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don''t look down.

A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I''ve got some "Cream" For that.

What do you call a camal with 3 humps?
Humphreys

What''s the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!

What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAMN!

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer