One Liners Wishes and Status Messages - Page 40

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

I couldn''t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

There''s no future in time travel.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can''t.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor?

Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn''t listen.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

If at first you don''t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn''t for you.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Borrow money from pessimists- they don''t expect it back.

I wouldn''t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don''t have film.

Polynesia -- memory loss in parrots.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I''d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

I have friends who swear they dream in color...It''s just a pigment of their imagination.

A good pun is its own reword.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

If we aren''t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.