Funny Questions Wishes and Status Messages - Page 7

Q: How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3 - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of the light socket

Q. Why don''t guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?
A. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Q: What''s white and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A fridge

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself.

Q. What''s the last thing that goes through a fly''s mind when it hits a windscreen?
A. It''s arse!

Q. What do Mexicans put under their carpets?
A. Underlay, underlay!

Q. What do you call a leper in a bath?
A. Soup!

Q: What do you do when your wife''s staggering?
A: Shoot her again.

Q: What''s the difference between a Southern fairy tale and a Northern fairy tale?
A: A Southern fairy tale begins: "Once upon a time..." and a Northern fairy tale begins: "You''ll never believe this bag of sh*te!"

Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A. If we don''t get some support soon, people will think we''re nuts!

Q. What has two legs and bleeds easily?
A. Half a dog.

Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they''re quite happy living in the shadows.

Q. What does a guy and a car have in common?
A. They both have the ability to misfire.

Q: How do you get a one-handed idiot out of a tree?
A: Wave!

Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A. Mega-saur-ass

Q. Why don''t they have any toilet paper in KFC?
A. Because its finger licking good!

Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.

Q: How many kids with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hey! Do you wanna go play PlayStation!?

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they''ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

Q. What''s blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it''s breath

Q: Why doesn''t a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!

Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.

Q. Why did the skeleton not go to the party?
A. It had nobody to go with

Q: Why do woman get their belly buttons pierced?
A: So they have a place to hang a air freshener!

Q: What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
A: A clit round the ear and a flap across the face

Q. Why dont blind men skydive?
A. Because it scares the shit out of the dog

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water?
A: Bob

Q. Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend ?
A. 3 Stone !

Q. What''s pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff

Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear,and she can`t find her cigarette.