Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas? No you can have turkey like everyone else !
My wife dresses 2 killT only problem is th@ she cooks in T same manner.
Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always stuffed !
Wht did 1 magnet say 2 T oTr magnet?I find U V attractive.
Hw do U kp an idiot amused?W@ch ths message until it goes away!
How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support herHow to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer
For sale complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 74 volumes. Good condition. $1,000?No longer needed, got married, T wife knows eVthing!
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,because the average man can see better than he can think
A girl ph1d me T oTr day & said 'Come no over, Tre's nobody home'.I went over. Nobody was home.
Brain Search: Brain detector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your gsm....still searching.......no brains found
2 aerials meet on a roof - fell in love & got married.T ceremony was terrible, but T reception was brilliant!
When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassmentwhen a women talks dirty 2 a man, its Rs.3.95 per minute!
Wht do U cll a triple barrel shotgun?A trifle.
Yesterday night I lay on my bed looking at the stars, then I wondered...Hey, where on earth IS MY ROOF!
Wht do U cll a handcuffed man?Trus2rthy.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? It's like when dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner
Wht do Mexicns hv under Tir carpets?Underlay! Underlay!
What do u call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1987 world hide and seek champion
Wht's T maximum penalty of bigamy?2 moTrs-in-law.
What do 7'tall basketball players do in their off season? Go to the movies and sit in front of you
Wht do U get if U cross a skunk with a boomerang?A bad smell U cnt get rid of.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went it would be hell
Y R dumb blonde jokes all 1-liners?So men cn underst& Tm.
Why can't men get Mad Cow's Disease? Because they are pigs
Wot do U do if a blonde throws a grenade @ U?Take T pin out & throw it back.
Why don't blondes talk whilst having sex? Because their mums told them not to talk to strangers!
Hv U hrd about T magic trac2r?It went down a country road & turned in2 a field.
Never let a man's mind wander, It's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
I want 2 die peacefully in my sleep like my great grandfather...not screaming in terror like his passengers!
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