Marriage Jokes Wishes and Status Messages - Page 23

Marriage has no guarantees. If that''s what you''re looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

I''ve got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...

To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here''s to good sense of humor and a short memory!

Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.

May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment

One day a man inserted an ''advert'' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!

Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor''s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

I''ve sometimes thought of marrying, and then I''ve thought again. - Noel Coward

Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you''re in bed with a relative. - Unknown

The man who says his wife can''t take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is give and take. You''d better give it to her or she''ll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

Marriage is not a word. It''s a sentence....(a life sentence!).

A husband''s last words should always be ''OK buy it''.

A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

There''s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I''ll get married again. - Clint Eastwood

There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can''t face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They''re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don''t work half the time!

A man''s wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I''m looking for a loophole

The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...

Give a man a free hand and he''ll run it all over you. - Mae West

Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I''m still paying for it..."

To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

To the NewlyWeds: May ''for better or worse'' be far better than worse.