One Liners Wishes and Status Messages - Page 25

Borrow money from pessimists--they don''t expect it back.

Can you do anything that other people can''t?
Sure, I can read my handwriting.

Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don''t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
Cut off your head.

Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other "God it''s hot in here"
The other one replies "Oh no... It''s a talking muffin"

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.

Success is a relative term - It brings so many relatives!

Time is the best teacher, but it kills all its students.

A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"

I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

It is illegal to milk another person''s cow.

It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.

It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.

It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.

A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.

Do you know of a fellow who parked his car in front of
board which said FINE FOR PARKING

Every man/woman should marry - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.

A Policeman catches a guy who was crossing the street at a wrong place
and shouts Why are you crossing here? Cant you see a zebra
crossing there ?
The guy replies Let the zebra cross. What can I do

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!

We have a quiet home life. I don''t speak to her and she doesn''t speak to me.

When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.

You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.

Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.

There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.