Jokes Wishes and Status Messages - Page 3

A wife complains,

"I have three nasty animals at home.

A dog that growls every morning,

a parrot that swears all afternoon,

and a husband that farts all night!

After a quarrel,
Boy:Today i hv bike,cellphone& money.
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Boy:what do you have?
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Girl:I hv an idiot!

Friday, July 20th, 2012

Boy: My Father's name is LAUGHING and my Mother's name is SMILING.

Teacher: You must be Kidding?

Boy: No, that's my brother. I am JOKING.

Boss to an Employee: "Do you believe in life after death?"

Employee: "Certainly not! There's no proof of it", he replied.

Boss: "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you." :->

Santa was looking at a lady.
Jeeto: Why are you staring at that lady?
Santa: Bcoz she looks exactly like you.
Jeeto: Is she hot?
Santa's dilemma: To say YES or NO!

Santa(Drunk): It's really awkward.
Jeeto: What's awkward?
Santa: That I'm really drunk and you're still ugly.

Boy n girl on fb

girl:- “u never smile na??”

boy:-“hw can u say dis??”
...
girl:-“ur smiling pics r mising here”

boy:-“ok then …do u bath daily??”

girl:-“ya ofcorse..y u asking??”

boy:-“no, I hvnt seen .any pic….”

Boyfriend: I heard you failed in English!
Girlfriend: Nonesense! Who TELLED you?

A Boy texts a girl
Boy: Hey!
Girl: Hi! What u doing?
Boy: texting the most beautiful girl in the world.
Girl: Aww How cute!
Boy: Ya! But She is not replying, so m texting U!

Me-I'm gonna study this year
I have to make my parents proud & get better grades..

Internet-Wh did u say ??

Me-Nothing,I love u baby

Husband kills his unfaithful wife,
while their 5 yr old son was still sleeping.

The weird thing was that d kid
didn't ask for his mom even 3 days after she went missing.

Father: Is there something u want to ask me?

Kid: I just wonder y mom is always
standing behind ur back ??

|After writing English Exam|
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Boy1 : How was the Paper?

Boy2 : It was easy except question no. 5. It confused me.

Boy2 : What was it saying ?

Boy1 : It was asking the past of 'Think' . I thought & thought & thought & finally end up with writing "Thunk"

A boy descending 4rm bike,right hand-purse&left hand-cellphone.
proposing a girl: oh! dear I really love U
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Girl:Hw do I believe?

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Boy:Look I hv an aeroplane,wireless satellite & a blank cheque of my father.

Manager:
Sorry, but I can’t give you a job.
I don’t need much help.

Job Applicant: That’s all right.
In fact I’m just the right person in this case.

You will see, I won’t be of much help anyway!!

A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."

Interviwer:tel me oposite words,Cool
Tintu:Hot

Int:Girl
Tintu:Boy

Int:Yes,Good keep it up!

Tintu:No,Bad put it down!

See the conversation
Boy:- Hi
No reply
Boy:- Hi there?
(Again no reply)
(No reply)
(No reply)
Boy:- Hello im rich
Girl instantly replies
Girl:- Oh sorry
I was busy
How r u
What u do
Whats ur age
Be my friend na ?
Boy:- Hello my name is rich :-)
Girl:- Bye

New Teacher To Students:


Tell Me Your Names And Hobbies.
1. My Name Is Sunil, My Hobby Is Watching Bubble
2. My Name is Babloo, My Hobby Is Watching Bubble
3. My Name Is Amar, My Hobby Is Watching Bubble
4. My Name Is Karan, My Hobby Is Watching Bubble
Now Girls
First Girl: Sir My Name Is Bubble

A software engineer was smoking.lady said:Smoking is injurious to health..He replied “We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!

Boy was in bus,sudnly driver aplied brk, he fel on a girl n kisd her lips.Gal-hey wat r u doing?Boy-MBA u? She smiled said BSC. MORAL-alwys think abt studies.

Wikipedia:i knw evrythng.
Google:i hav evrythng.
Facebook:i knw evrybdy..
Internet:without me u r nthng..
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Electricty:
Awaaaaaz NICHEee.:-P:-D

A bf, who is good in English, is teaching
his gf about tense.
Bf:- YOU LOVE ME. Which tense is it?
Gf:- PAST TENSE.

An MBA student went 2 his home wid his gf after completing his MBA......
His dad asked , who is she??

Son replied

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My campus selection...!

Police to thief:Y u went 2 steal thrice in the same store?

Thief:I stole 1 dress for my wife n went to change it twice...!U knw about ladies...!

Teacher sent home a note: Sincere & bright boy but spends too much time with girls.
Mother sent a note back: Pls advise solution, father has same problem.

Teacher: ' Delhi me Kutubminar hai'
Santa was not payin attention
Techer asks: 'Santa repeat what I just said'.
Santa replies:' Delhi me Kutta bimar hai' ..

BOY- Ek ladki ko rose dete hue kaha YE RISTA KYA
KEHLATA HAI? GIRL- Pavitra rista.. BOY- To Is pyar ko kya naam du? GIRL- EK hazaro me meri behna hai..

Why I Hate C.I.D :(

An Example:
LADY: Rahul Mera Bhai Tha

DAYA: Kya? Rahul Tumhara Bhai Tha?

LADY: Han, Rahul Mera Bhai Tha

ABHIJEET: Rahul Sach me Tumhara Bhai Tha???

LADY: Ha Sir...Wo Mera Bhai Tha.

ACP: My God, Iska Matlab, Tum RAHUL Ki Bahen Ho ...

Boy; I love you
tum dunya ki sab sy khobsort larki ho

Girl;acha par tumhary pechy mujh sy bhe khobsort larki khari hy
Boy; mor k pechy dekhta hy par wahan koi ni hota
Girl;agr tum sach mein mujh sy payar karty to tm kabhi pechy na dekhty i hate you
Moral
Moral woral kuch ni bs bachi zara taiz nikli
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Par msg abhi baqi hy mery 2st
Boy;chalo jese tumhari marzi,magar ab ye diamond ring mai kisko dunga
Girl;lo!! ab mai apne janu se mazak bhi ni kar sakti.

Math teacher saw dat little Johnny wasn't paying attention in the class.

She called him n said,'Johnny!What r 2 and 4 and 22 and 44?'

Little Johnny quickly replied,'NBC,FOX,ESPN and Cartoon network!'