My wife doesn''t care what I do away from home, as long as I don''t enjoy it.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they''re entitled to a little fun first.
Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Nothing says loving like marrying your cousin!
My wife says if I go fishing one more time she''s going to leave me. Gosh, I''m going to miss her.
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe?
May you never leave your marriage alive.
The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism.
Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers.
Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.
The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
My opinions are my wife''s, and she says I''m lucky to have them.
Question: Ted Kennedy: "Where was George?" Answer: Dry, sober, and at home with his wife
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day.
To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother--I want to marry one who makes dough like her father.
Spinster: A bachelor''s wife.
Suicide is belated acquiescence in the opinion of one''s wife''s relatives.
My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house.
My other wife is beautiful.
My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.
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