Marriage Jokes Wishes and Status Messages - Page 15

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping.

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.

Don''t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

Feminists are OK, I just wouldn''t want my sister to marry one.

In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it''s curtains!

I am in total control, but don''t tell my wife.

He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend''s wife''s brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.

Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other''s character before marriage, which is never advisable.

I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got.

Correction: Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died unmarried four years ago.

Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him.

I''ve been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.

Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.

If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks.

Honolulu - it''s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife''s mother.

Always talk to your wife while you''re making love... if there''s a phone handy.

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

And I shall love thee still my dear, Until my wife is wise.

Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don''t stand in her way.

I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope.

I''ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about ''short'' and ''cheap''?

English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?

Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.