Marriage Jokes Wishes and Status Messages - Page 19

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don''t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

Why is Hillary upset?
Because she may have been the FIRST LADY, but she won''t be the LAST!

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I''ve found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all !

A lady inserted an "ad" in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence - a life sentence.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he''ll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed. Women somewhat deteriorate during the night.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don''t know, son, I''m still paying for it."

Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven''t been able to find anybody who''ll take what I have to give.

Many years ago when I was 23, I got married to a widow. this widow had a grown up daughter. My father fell in love with her, and soon they got married. This made my Dad my son-in-law and changed my very life. See below how:

Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren''t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

My daughter was my mother too because she was my father''s wife!

After a few years I bacame father of a baby boy complicating the matter further. My son became the brother-in-law of my father!

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

A marriage is a war in which the enemies can sleep together!

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Bad Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married. He says "the wedding rings look too much like miniature handcuffs....."

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he does''nt. A man marries a woman expecting that she won''t change and she does.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor''s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

What is the difference between a marriage and a war?

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

A man who muttered a few words in the church, found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced!